my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
