Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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