What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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