When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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