It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
