Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
from now on my penis is your penis
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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