if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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