Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
