even my farts smell like vagina
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
