I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You left your phone here
Wait...
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