Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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