So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
