youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
