i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize