I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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