It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
