did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
