oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
