I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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