Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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