my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
