Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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