what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
