I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
