Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
