i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just high enough for therapy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
