i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?