he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
