I hate your face
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..