What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
