Texts From Last Night

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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake

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  (618): Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake http://tfl.nu/xsco
  Replies (50) Good night (5953) Bad night (1067)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  $1 pitcher night should be outlawed.

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  (859): $1 pitcher night should be outlawed. http://tfl.nu/2dye
  Replies (38) Good night (5304) Bad night (852)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he wasn't. neither were you.

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  (920): dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss? (1-920): no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom? (920): he wasn't. neither were you. http://tfl.nu/3ltg
  Replies (16) Good night (7082) Bad night (1194)
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  (925): View more from California

  Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

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  (925): Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit. http://tfl.nu/rw2b
  Replies (41) Good night (3834) Bad night (4403)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms

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  (626): a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms http://tfl.nu/zv9q
  Replies (6) Good night (864) Bad night (3804)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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  (913): Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. http://tfl.nu/f12g
  Replies (1) Good night (2143) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm

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  (248): thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm http://tfl.nu/wrnu
  Replies (6) Good night (1850) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control

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  (201): just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control http://tfl.nu/3b72
  Replies (7) Good night (974) Bad night (1812)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

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  (623): He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon http://tfl.nu/msr7
  Replies (5) Good night (1556) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.

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  (623): Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to. http://tfl.nu/084z
  Replies (6) Good night (2205) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  What the fuck, why would you ever do that?

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?

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  (250): I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much. (1-250): What the fuck, why would you ever do that? (250): Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball? http://tfl.nu/mk5m
  Replies (5) Good night (2006) Bad night (403)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.

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  (501): Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag. http://tfl.nu/w2wq
  Replies (3) Good night (1015) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.

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  (417): Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast. http://tfl.nu/el84
  Replies (3) Good night (824) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.

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  (856): After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/n5bk
  Replies (3) Good night (420) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I was just power-washing my vagina.

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  (541): Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay? (1-541): I was just power-washing my vagina. http://tfl.nu/mkkk
  Replies (8) Good night (1279) Bad night (254)

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