the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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