He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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