I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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