I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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