someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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