Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
