In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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