grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
