Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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