So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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