also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
