Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
