you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
