I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
