It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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