well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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