i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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