Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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