I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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