If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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