Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
