We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
