The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
