I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
