Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
