I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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