Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
