Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
