Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
