if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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