did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
