i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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