I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
