end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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