please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
