every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My vagina is very pro this idea
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