Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
