Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
