my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
