Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
