So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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