She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
