just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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