The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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