so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
