can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
