you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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