In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
