I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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