He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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