giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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