FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize