I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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