Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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